There’s one not-so-sexy fact about relationships that no one seems to talk about: eventually, it’s bound to get boring.
If you think about it, you’ll inevitably feel comfortable with someone once you’ve spent months or years with them. That’s simply how things work when you go from dating a stranger to bingeing Netflix shows every night together. And while a lot of people might assume that a boring relationship is a failed relationship, that’s not the case.
A relationship is like that little house plant you have sitting in your living room. Without proper care like sunlight, water, and the right nutrients, it’ll slowly wither away into plant oblivion. But unlike plants, most people don’t think about how relationships also need tending to.
You have to put in the work to create newness and instill passion in your relationship. I’m not talking about hard and painful work, but I am referring to intentional work that you wouldn’t do unless you thought about it. The kind that gets you out of that boredom rut.
But first, let’s talk about the signs that you’ve become bored in your relationship and help you feel more assured that your relationship is worth saving. I want you to reflect on the last week of your relationship and ask yourself if you’ve been doing any of the following:
3 sure signs that your relationship got boring:
You pick fights for no reason.
Many people compensate for lack of excitement by starting fights that don’t need to happen, especially if they’ve been in toxic relationships before. While you may think this makes things less boring for a moment, it hurts your relationship in the long run. So next time you think about arguing with your partner about how they order pizza, take a step back and consider what you’re doing.
You don’t have fun like you used to.
You may be thinking back to the good ole days of when you both met. The sparks were flying, and everything was new. But when you compare those days to how things are now, you realize that the fun you used to have is replaced with seriousness and routine. It’s boring.
Luckily, realizing this means you can fix it.
You’ve stopped caring as much.
Maybe you used to be the partner who’d make homemade Valentine’s Day cards or pick up little gifts for your partner throughout the week. Lately, though, you’ve lost all interest in doing things for the relationship and don’t see the point in showing up as your best self.
The boredom has left you wondering, “what’s the point?”
If any of that sounds like you, welcome to relationship reality: you’re bored.
Many couples feel this way, and though you may wonder if this means your relationship isn’t working, that’s not necessarily the case. As long as you have a partner you love, trust, and feel supported by, your relationship can be saved from this inevitable boredom.
Saving your relationship from boredom:
Do activities together that you’ve never done.
If your relationship lacks excitement, doing something out of the ordinary from what you usually do is key. Research shows that seeking novelty, whether through things like visiting a new museum or cooking a meal you’ve never tried, significantly improves relationships.
You can’t expect to do the same activities over and over again and expect things to feel fresh again magically. You and your partner have to create that freshness for yourselves.
Take care of yourself.
Have you ever stopped to consider that the way you care for yourself affects the way you view your relationship? If you’re unhappy with your life or you aren’t taking care of your own needs, you’re bound to feel dissatisfied with your relationship, too.
Take inventory of your life in general. Are you creating goals for yourself to accomplish? Do you still see your friends? Do you invest time into the hobbies/activities you love? If not, you’ll continue to feel unhappy, regardless of how your relationship improves.
Never stop getting to know your partner.
The famous relationship researcher and psychologist John Gottman coined the term love mapping to describe just that. He explains that knowing small things about your partner builds a solid foundation for the relationship. But the kicker is: you have to always be building that foundation throughout your relationship.
You may think you know your partner like the back of your hand; you’ve been together for years, and you couldn’t possibly learn anything new about them. If you have this kind of mindset, I suggest you become more curious because people change throughout their lives. I guarantee there is more you can learn about your partner.
Plan a date night once a week.
Just because you’ve been together for a long time doesn’t mean you should stop dating each other. Having a date night that you stick to once a week not only gives you a reason to get out of your apartments, but it creates a night for you both to look forward to.
Now, what you do on your date nights is up to you. It doesn’t have to be an expensive ordeal; you could stay in and watch a new movie you’re both dying to see. But the more you prioritize date night and put some effort into it, the more excitement you’ll experience in your relationship.
Recreate your first date.
Let’s be honest. The beginning of a relationship is filled with many exciting emotions and moments. (That doesn’t mean the rest of your relationship can’t be filled with different yet still exciting moments). So it’s perfectly normal to feel nostalgic for those un-boring old times.
So what better way to re-live those memories than to literally re-live them?
Re-creating your first date or a special memory is a great way to rekindle your early relationship emotions. Not to mention that it’s fun recollecting on a time when you were both younger and didn’t know how beautifully your relationship would end up.
Feeling bored in your relationship isn’t a death sentence to what you have but doing nothing about it could be. Instead of worrying about what this boredom could mean for your relationship, put that energy into creating excitement for what you both have.
It could be just the fix you need to remember that you have something very special.